Wednesday, 10 October 2012

Day 5 Post Op: Out for dinner with friends...

All day today I was changing my mind about going out with friends-- yes-- no--yes-no...

I had a rough night last night -- -gas pains-- - and I just wasn't sure I wanted to have to worry about going out for dinner and what to eat at said dinner.  I am 5 days Post op- so I am still in the  Full-Fluid stage of my post op diet.... 

Finally a half an hour before we were planning on going I set my mind to it-- I got this band so that I can change my lifestyle and change my outlook, change it so that my weight is not something that keeps me from being social and doing things I enjoy. The last thing I want is to start using my band as the excuse not to so things!  So instead of not going-   I had half a yogurt drink before I left-- and took one to go- just in case---  

We had planned on going to the pumpkin patch and corn maze-- but we got rained out- instead we went to Boston Pizza for dinner---  I ended up ordering the soup, chicken noodle (boo) and a smoothie-- and it was just fine!    No one made a fuss-- no one cared that all I ate was soup and a smoothie (and half of both I must note)  Man I would have loved to have a bite of the garlic bread-- but I dared not to!!  

It was so great getting out to socialize with friends-- it was just what I needed!  

My port incision is aching a bit- first time I have worn jeans since my surgery- Ouch!!  But it was worth it!

Anyway- feeling better tonight-- the walking I did today I am sure will help keep the gas monsters away tonight!! (fingers crossed!)

Hope everyone out there had a great Wednesday--   :o)

Till next time!

Sunday, 7 October 2012

Happy Thanksgiving Sunday!

Happy Thanksgiving To everyone in Canada!

It is a beautiful sunny fall day here- I am on my third day post-op and (knock on wood) I am feeling pretty good.  Last night I was bothered by a bit of gas pain, but some Gas X and my wonderful heating pad took care of that!    

I am hanging out at my parents place at the moment- until tomorrow morning ( I haven't been feeling up to driving yet) and I am spacing my pain meds out a little too- I was taking them every 4 hours but I am down to about every 5 and a half and I am feeling better (less groggy!)  

No turkey dinner here for me-- not that I would even want to eat it if I could- don't feel hungry at all , but I am forcing myself to drink my water and my thin yogurt and protein shakes-- might try some carrot soup for dinner...

I had a few moments last night and this morning when I though- what have I done to myself?!  But now that I am not taking as much pain meds I am feeling a lot more myself!

I keep finding myself thinking I go back to work on Tuesday-- but I have taken a week off and don't go back until the October 15th-   Feels so weird not heading back to work-- that tells you that I needed a vacation!! (not that this is really a vacation!! haha!)

I keep finding myself looking at clothing websites and dreaming of all the normal size clothing I will be able to fit into!  :o)

Well I am off to sip some more water-- and some soup too.

Saturday, 6 October 2012

Day 1 post op

Everything went great yesterday! loved my team at the SWLC! They all put me at ease from the moment I stepped in the door!

I arrives at 745 and was on my way back to the hotel by 1130 ish-- not bad!!

Pain isnt too bad- have a little gas pain this morning-- but nothing too out of control- thank goodness for pain pills!

Just need to get packing!
Thought I would share with you my hotel room with a view!!

Friday, 5 October 2012

Today is the day!

Today is the day I get banded- In an hour I will be dropped off at the clinic!! Still feeling confident- just hope I dont have a melt down once I get there (nervous about the anesthetic!)


Wednesday, 3 October 2012

Great Doctor's Appointment!

Wow-- what a great appointment I had today!!

I need to back up a little and explain.  

Two years ago after moving back to my home town I had an accident (horseback riding) that resulted in me breaking my back.   

At that time I did not have a family physician in the area (I had one 4 hours away- however, with the distance it was quite useless!)    My Mom (a former nurse and the local hospital's administrators) called in  a favour to my former Family Doctor- to see if she would take me onto her roster...  

as in most placed in Ontario - there is a major shortage of Family physician in this area-- and all of the doctors in this area are not taking new patients--  thank goodness my Mom asked her as they had never formally removed me from their patient list (BIG bonus) so they said they would be happy to take me on!

Up until my back injury - I had basically had no other health issues-- so my yearly visit was all that I ever saw my family Doc.  

I have felt awkward talking to my Doctor - we will call her Dr.D.   as I work in the hospital with her and I am a firm believer that keeping a professional relationship is important.  But it is hard to do that when you work in a small hospital and Doctors eat with the rest of the staff in the lunch room!  Now don't get me wrong Dr.D has always been the image of professionalism-- but I just never felt really buddy buddy with her!    

Last March I expressed to her about my concerns about my rising weight and my achy feet and bones that related exactly to my weight issues.   She wanted me to focus on eating healthy and not necessarily losing weight--  yah--  cuz that was working for me so far... And that is when I started asking my friend K about her lap band again-- and I got the ball rolling-- it took me until July to get the courage up to actually go see the surgeon and see if it was a good options for me.

ANNNYWAY--- since July when I decided it was the path I needed to take I had been nervous about seeing my family doc- as she didn't know anything about my decision.   When I made my appointment to see her for my pre-op form to be filled out I was so worried about telling her about my decision!  My appointment  kept getting cancelled and moved-- which made me start being paranoid that she didn't approve of the whole procedure! (Crazy how the mind works) 

So- today-- two days before my surgery date (Thank GOODNESS my surgeons office is SO understanding)  I got in for my physical to have my form filled out-- and Dr D was AMAZING!  She did ask me some in depth questions- to ensure that I was fully informed about the whole process-- she said she would be happy to do my 2 week post op check up-- AND she even said she would be open to learning more about the fill process if I wanted her to --- I was in shock!  I walked away feeling on cloud nine--  I am even more confident in my decision!   I wish I hadn't over thought it so much!!  

At the moment...

I am packing all my must have things into my travel bag for tomorrow, my Mom and I will be heading down to the city tomorrow after work (we are staying in a hotel two nights)  I will have a chat with my patient co-ordinator tomorrow to make sure everything is in order and to be told my surgery time (I am really hoping for first thing Friday Morning)    I am also packing some extra supplies in case I stay at my parents house when we get back on Saturday (it will all depend on how I feel)

Got a cute set of new PJs today (don't worry- they were on super sale-- as they wont fit for much longer --tee-hee!!)  that I will wear on my surgery day-- I am so excited-- can you tell?! :o)

I better get packing an clean up this pig pen of a house!  I want to come home to a clean house !


Dr office

just sittin here in the doca office waiting.. glad to be actually here. - i had a hard time getting in here for an appointment for my pre-op form to be filled-- so dont get me wrong- I am
very glad to be here-- i just want to hurry up and get that form filled and faxed so that I will have ThAT weight lifted off my shoulders!!!

Pretty excited that friday is the day!! a little emotional- but its a happy emotional-- and i guess a little nervous energy too!

... still waiting ...

Monday, 1 October 2012

Things to look forward to!

I am still reading all kinds of forums and blogs about everyone's banding experiences 
and I think it is a important thing to make some lists... before, so that you can look back in those
moments of doubt and refocus! This is my things to look forward to as I start on my journey to my healthy weight ...

1. to feel healthy again
2. to make moving easier- how I love to hike, but it is so much harder with the extra weight
3. being lighter and fitter so that I can get on my horse without a mounting block
4. be fit enough so that I am confident that I could do an 'emergency dismount' if needed  
    from my horse
5. feeling confident in social settings- being less self conscious of my weight
6. travel- there are so many places I want to go, but my weight is holding me back
7. being able to go to an amusement park and not worry about the harness not fitting
8. getting out there and meeting new people-- maybe even dating  (oh my!)
9. high heels
10. being able to dance the night away-- 

I am sure there are lots more I could think of-- but 10 is good for now! ! :o)

The count down is on-- 4 days!!

Wowza!  Can't believe it!!  Four days- and I will be a bandster!!   YEAH!

I have been a little stressed--  still need to get into my family doc's office to get my pre-op form filled out- I was supposed to have it done three weeks ago but the office cancelled my appointment twice--  if they cancel again I may loss it on them!  (and that wouldnt be pretty!!)

Getting sick of sweet shakes-- and have no desire to eat green veggies anymore - tho I am making myself eat some--

Thats it for now- off to enjoy the nice fall day before heading into work!

(From last Friday) One week to go!

What an ... interesting week I have had!   This pre-op diet thing isn't too bad--  I am allowed 3 high protein shakes and up to 250 calories of low glycemic vegetables--  cucumber, lettuce. cauliflower. broccolie etc...     I have had to compromise a couple of time-- I had a business lunch meeting on Monday and it would have been pretty awkward to just sit there sipping my shake-- so I basically ordered a spinach salad with only the spinach and mushrooms-- and dressing on the side which I only dunked my fork in a couple of times--- not bad I figure-- and then on my way home I drank my shake ('yum')

At work I have been subject to a few questionings-- I just answer its a protein shake that I am drinking and that I am on a "limited ingredient diet".   Being in the health field most people figure that I am doing an elimination diet to determine what allergens I am sensitive to-- they can assume whatever they want.  

Last night was the only time I really felt like I was being put under the spot light with 20 questions--

   I had just come into work for the evening shift and there was a really nice fruit basket on the counter-- a thank you to the department.  A nice healthy thank you pressy-- not the norm around here-- and of course-- I'm not allowed fruit.  

  I had a couple grapes (I admit..) and then I guess I said something like "I shouldn't be eating these"-- and that is when the 20 questions began...  Why can't you have fruit?  Are you on a diet?  Are you trying to lose weight or what? All coming from a colleague and close friend of mine "N"

  It just struck me off guard- what I decide to put or not put in my mouth is my business-- 

  I know that from past experiences what her opinion about weight loss is- she is a truly strong person who when she sets her mind to something she does it-- boarder line obsessive.   We are both on our staff Wellness committee and one of our staff members had Gastric Bypass earlier this year- and we were sending her a get well card - at this meeting another member mentioned that she had been thinking about WLS-- and my co worker "N" made a pretty harsh comment about it being the lazy way out and basically shot it down.   

 It is a funny thing because I know that "N" has a cousin who as done really well with the band- but I guess it is just the "easy" way out in her mind!

AND this is precisely why I am not telling anyone right now about my band-- I have my parents and by friend "K" behind me,  and that will have to do for now!    Its a hard place to be in-- I am so excited I want to shout it from the roof-- and then I am also a little scared (just about the actual operation part!) 

It is a beautiful fall day here in Northish Ontario- the fall colors are beautiful!  I love where I live!  Out for a day of yard work and bulb planting!!

Till next time

Sunday, 23 September 2012

WIndy Sunday

Half way through Day three of the pre-op diet-- not really hungry- as long as I don't think about it too much....  

I am sitting here drinking my black coffee-- which surprisingly is not as bad as I had figured it would be (I am normally a 2 milk 1 sugar kinda girl)  Weighed myself this morning and I haven't lost any weight--  I don't think I will weigh myself until right before my surgery so I don't get discouraged! (and it has only been 3 days-- I know I know!)

It is a beautiful fall day here-  sunny bright-- but also windy and freezing!  I could do without the wind-- it puts me in a predicament-- I would love to go and work with my horse-- but I get so nervous in the wind-- it usually isn't good for either of us!   And a hike would be amazing with the dog-- but I am also a little leery about hiking with high wind-- falling branches and all--  and then there is the grass to cut-- but the lawn mower was acting up the last time I used it!    And these are legit reasons- not excuses I swear-- SO I will keep my fingers crossed that the wind dies down in the afternoon, and I will check the mower to see if it is running.

Well its about time I drink some more water and then onto another shake-- 'yeah' ....

till next time.....

Saturday, 22 September 2012

Day 2 Pre-Op Diet

Day 2

Pre-op Diet

I am no longer excited about starting Pre-op Diet

I will not cheat----  

Only 12 more days to go....

That is all.....

Thursday, 20 September 2012

Today had the potential to be 'one of those days'

I had to laugh when I got to work and was changing into my work shoes- it was then that i realized that Ihad two different socks on ... My first thought was - oh no- its going to be one of 'those days'. Then it kinda made me laugh and I had to take a pictures!!

Nope I choose to not allow it to be one of 'those' days!!

Its amazing the power that you can have within your life when you take charge and make your own decisions instead of letting outside factors determine how you live!

I choose to have a good day- instead of 'one of those days'.

I choose to make today the day I wore two different socks and it made me laugh and smile all day!!

I will be back later this evening to post my pre-pre-op weight and measurements -- and (gasp!!). maybe some before pics ... then again maybe not--- I will have to wait and see about that one!!

Wednesday, 19 September 2012

One day till pre-op diet!


Is it odd that I am looking forward to starting my pre-op diet?   I cleaned out my fridge of all the left over stuff that I wont be eating for the next two weeks (pre-op) as well as the following two weeks (liquids-then mushies etc)  Its nice to get the fridge cleaned out- it has been needing some attention for awhile!  I plan on giving it a good scrub tomorrow!

I have had three days of mind numbing union negotiations ( I wont say anymore about that--  just glad to have it over for a couple of weeks)  

Got out to see the horse on Tuesday- Man I missed her! I hadn't been out to the barn in over a week-- I saddled her up- did some ground work- and then totally chickened out about riding her-- man I really hope as I get more fit it will help me get over this fear of riding--  at this point it isn't really fear of riding my horse- its more that I know I wont be physically able to do an emergency dismount if needed-- and getting WAAY up on her back isn't all that easy either!!  

Man I love Autumn!   The best time of the year in my book-- followed closely by winter!   I have been getting out to go hiking with the pup-- I love watching the colors change!!  

A short post today- not sure what else to say today---  

till next time!!

Friday, 14 September 2012

Great Concert!

What an amazing night last night! The Crue and KISS! What an amazing show!! And the new Do definitely made me feel pretty rocker chick!! Suffering from slight dehydration and back ache from last night- but it was soo worth it!!

On to some shopping with my bestie!! r

Thursday, 13 September 2012

The new 'Do'

I am happy with my hair!! yeah!!

Not so happy about having to buy size 20 jeans- and a 2x top. :-(. oh well -- i will chalk it up to the style- and be happy that i feel hot in them!!

Motley Crue (and KISS). at 7 tonight!! yeah!!

City break!

Made it down to the city last night- what agreat mini break only 4 hours away!
I am at this very moment in the salon chair waiting for my hair to be transformed!! (finger crossed!) Ihave been going through some major debating as to wether I should go shopping for some clothing or not- since I don't plan on being this size for much longer it seems like a waste of money- however in the next couple of weeks I have a bunch of business meeting that I need to dress business casual for- which is hard for me- I wear scrubs at work every day! i am
hoping to find a couple of good outfits i can mix and match - hopefully on sale-- keep your fingers crossed for me!! !

I will post a pic of my final hair results when it is a done and over with!!

Wednesday, 12 September 2012

OOOh how I LOOOVE extra short weeks!!!

OOOh how I LOOOVE extra short weeks!!! (YEAH!)

I am officially off for a long 4 day weekend at 330pm this afternoon!!

I am heading down to "the city" to visit my friends!  I lived and worked in 
the city (GTA ish area) for about 5 years- about 3 years ago I moved back to
"the country"  and by doing so I realized that visiting the city is much
nicer than living there!

I have been waiting for this getaway all summer!  And to top is off I am going
to see the Motley Crue/KISS concert tomorrow night!! YEAH! this will be my
first official rock concert! VERY excited!! 

I have also decided that I NEED a hair cut-- you know when you just get to the point
that you are tempted to start cutting your own hair-- I am at THAT point!
You see-- I had a wonderful- AMAZING hair dresser (Jonathan) down in the city... and for the first year I kept going down to see him (making the 4 hour trek...) and was very happy
but then he got his restate license-- I was making fewer trips-- and well I haven't
seen him in at least 8 months. And in those 8 months I have had some pretty AWFUL hair
cuts-  or just boring hair cuts-- a disaster incident with bleach blond streaks
(WHAT was I thinking!) so... I am a little bit leery of 'local' hair cutters-- because
all of them came with high recommendations from my friends/colleagues-- I have come to
the conclusion that I am pretty darn picky when it comes to my hair.  Maybe it is because I had been spoiled in the past by Jonathan- I could literally sit down his hair and say- make me beautiful- and that is what he did-- "sigh"  I miss my Jonathan...  ANYWAY-- I am jumping off the deep end and choosing a random hair salon from one of the malls close to my friends house-- I will have to let you know how that goes!!

I have just over a week before I start my pre-op diet-- I am actually looking forward to it- i know Know, I have heard the horror stories of the pre-op diet- but I guess I am looking at it as the true beginning of my journey!

Its is a really weird feeling to be so excited about something- but not being able to tell anyone!  I keep thinking that I need to tell my boss, but the reality is that I am part-time, I am entitled to vacation and (knock on wood) as long as nothing unexpected happens after my surgery I should be fully able to go back to my job without really having to tell her.  I figure I will cross that bridge when I get to it. 

I still have moments of -- OMG what am I doing-- but these moments are more fleeting thoughts, unlike before when it was a sinking feeling followed by a tinge of guilt.

There have been a lot of TV shows on recently about weight loss, and weight loss surgery which have given me a chance to focus on the why am I doing this, and the reasons that I over eat - I feel like I have really got most of these things straight in my brain-  I have been trying to really ask myself why I am eating every time I feel like I NEED to eat- I cannot wait to have my band as extra re-enforcement of the I am NOT hungry! 

Anyway- I suppose I should get to work--
  till next time---

Friday, 31 August 2012

A day late-- TTT


So I have been trying to get myself out of the house for about the last hour-- but I have been sucked into the Internet world- so I figure if I write something here and get whatever I need out of my brain it might be easier to get myself going!!

This will be my first Ten Things Thursday--- on Friday--  I will have to look again and see who started this brilliant idea-- it most certainly was not me!

1.  My house is a disaster-- it is messy disorganised and currently covered with dog hair (this week I have officially entered into shedding season!)  Plan on having a major cleaning/organising blitz this weekend-- I know I know, exciting long weekend plans- but right now I feel like I am living in chaos and chaos in one part of my life tends to bleed into other parts-- I don't like chaos!

A picture of the shedding monster!!

2.  My new neighbours across the road have been doing major land excavation and renovations for the last month--  good and bad--  it was kinda trashy over there and they have now cleaned it up and put up some nice cedar hedges- the bad is that they start with the big machines every day at 7am-- which is fine if I am working a Day shift-- if I hear the machinery i know I need to get my butt in gear because I  am late! But on days when I worked until midnight the night before-- I would love to have an hour extra sleep-- oh well-- how long can the renovations really go on? :o/

3.  I am officially an Auntie! (first time!)  I cant believe I waited to put this as three on the list!   My brother and his wife had a beautiful baby boy on Wednesday evening!  We had figured that they would never have kids, as they stated this a few times over!   So everyone is very happy- they should be coming home tonight-  As mentioned I have not met the little man yet, I am still feeling a but sick-ish and have a sore throat so I am staying away until I am 100% better!!

4.  I can't wait until summer is over (I know- what a horrible statement) I just cant handle the heat and humidity and I cannot wait to get into jeans and sweaters--  I am sooo done with shorts!

5.  This is harder than it looks--

6.  I ordered a few sugar free flavor syrups to hopefully make my pre-op and post op diet a little bit more interesting!  They should be coming today-- how I love getting mail!!

7.   I have found a Zumba class that starts next Wednesday--  $5 a class for drop ins-- not bad-- there is another one that runs  Tuesdays and Wednesday as well-- but its a but more expensive-- figure I will go this week for the first time..... so how I like it....

8.  Related to the one before-- since moving back to "the country" I have been finding is difficult to get this exercise thing going as a routine-- I think I miss all the gym glasses I used to be able to go to in the city gyms (we have NO gym here where I live-- not even a curves or anything!)  we have a very small gym at work-- but it is in the bowels of the building and kinda lonely to be down there!

9.  I am really hoping that once I start losing weight I will be able to slowly start running- I have never truly been a runner, but before my accident I had played around with C25K and I figure I could really love running-- but since I had my accident (and gained some weight)  My back just isn't agreeable to running-- small steps..... something to maybe look forward to!

10. Did I mention its Friday-- and a 3 day weekend--  wish I had a reason to go and buy back to school supplies-- how I love the smell of new pencils and binders (yup-- I'm that person!!)

That wasnt too bad---  till next time
Did I mention I can't wait till fall!! (Pic from the fall of my accident- a couple of years ago-- my horse Nichole and puppy Kira!- a pretty pair!)

Monday, 27 August 2012

Freaking myself out....

I just spent the last 20 minutes freaking myself out---

I found and read a blog about a very nice lady who unfortunately had to have her band out because it failed-  and she is now waiting to have the sleeve procedure.  This followed by last night me reading about another young women who had a roller coaster journey with her band and has just recently converted to the sleeve..... 

Not the rational me keeps trying to get through and say--> Look Amanda. you know that with every procedure that there is a certain percentage of "failed" cases (any surgery, not just the Lap Band)- that yes you could be one- however, you have an amazing surgeon, and support team .... and for those two stories you have read about the "failed" lap band just think of all of the successes that you have been reading about! 

The other non-rational me says-- OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!

SO.... trying to focus on the rational!    And focus on continuing my life changes before my surgery so that they are that much easier to stick to after!   

Anyway- enough reading- need to get ready for work...... 

AND totally unrelated!!

.....On a side not it has been over a week since I saw my horse-- missing that big fuzzy face for sure!  This is what work + being sick = horse deprived!!  Hopefully tomorrow! :o)

Monday Weigh in!

Made it through the weekend!  Woo--hooo!!

And just one more evening shift and I have a couple days off! (cannot wait!)

I made myself get on the scale this morning--  I usually have a pretty good idea if how much I am going to weight (up or down) however, this morning I was happily surprised!!

My Stats---
Age: 28
Height: 5'7"
August 14, 2012----> 270lbs
August  20, 2012 ---> 269.5lbs
August 27, 2012 ----> 266lbs --> YEAH!  down 2.5!   

I really do need to take my measurements one of these days-- and take some pics :oS

Anyway- I have had a slow start to the morning- will have more to rant later I am sure!  

Sunday, 26 August 2012

Feeling like Death....

Hello Blog world... 

Still feeling like shit- and to make it even better I am working this weekend-- I would almost be able to handle it if all I had was an 8-4 shift to work and then I could stumble home to rest for the remaining hours of the day-- but no-- instead I am 'on-call' basically a way for my employer to save money, reduce the amount of staff they need and make my life a living hell!    So since yesterday at 4pm I have been 'on-call'  I shouldn't complain too much-- got to go home and sleep from 4pm-8pm but then I got a call and was at work until 10pm.......  no calls thru the night --- thank god!   but I am currently here at work at the moment (just a little bit of procrastination!)  

The worst part is that I should be calling 'insick' however, as I stated above my employer keeps staff in this department so lean that even if I was on my death bed the chances of getting someone to cover me-- 0 to none!   And.. AND I work in healthcare-- so it makes me feel rotten that I could potentially be getting someone else sick -- surgical mask it is for me!  

Anyway, one advantage of being sick is that I haven't been interested in any 'bad' food like I usually would be when I am on call for work- so I have been sticking to eating healthy 'wooo'  (cough cough!)

Anyway- there is my short little rant for this morning--  better get these patients done so that I can get back home and feel sorry for myself   rest a bit!

haha-- me at work---not impressed!!

Saturday, 25 August 2012

Great website

At the moment I am really enjoying reading this website- very informative and from the perspective of a nutritionist!

Friday, 24 August 2012

being sick sucks!

There has been no truer statement than the above!  Being sick sucks!  

I have been battling a cold since- well- Tuesday- Yes I know not that long- but I have had to work through it and I work this weekend- so I have been laying on the 'get better' vibes pretty thick- really don't want to be sick this weekend!

I have been living on chicken soup, popsicles and random veggies from the garden-- and sleep- lots of sleep the last couple of days.  At the moment I am feeling better- and my dirty house is driving me crazy! Figure I might be able to muster up some energy to make my place a bit more live-able!

Getting pretty excited as my surgery date approaches- I was just looking at my calendar and it is coming quickly!  A little less than a month from now I will be starting my pre-op diet- pretty crazy!  Oh and I have been having fun making up my mind as to what my goal rewards are going to be! I know one will be that tattoo that I have been wanting for awhile- just not sure where to put it on my list! Once I have it finalized I will be posting them here--

Guess I didn't post my weigh in for last Monday (nothing to exciting to report really!)  Guess I should catch up on that!

My Stats---
Age: 28
Height: 5'7"
Weight as of August 14, 2012----> 270lbs
Weight as of August  20, 2012 ---> 269.5lbs   (hey at least its a loss right?!)

I haven't exactly been following what my post op diet will be- but will try and get on track as I get feeling better!     

Sorry about this post- I realise that it is a tad on the boring side!  But I just felt like writing!  :o)

I love coming onto blogger and catching up on what everyone is up to- it gives me such inspiration!  I love how I am able to get in touch with people who are in all stages of this amazing journey!  Those that are at their goal weight and maintain, those that have just had surgery and are going through their adjustment stages- and those like me who are heading into just the beginning of this fantastic journey!  Keeps me excited! (especially since I have not been able to tell a lot of people at the moment about my decision!)

This past weekend was a good one- went fishing with my friend S and her family- a nice mid day fish- therefore no fish!   It was nice- I have never felt like I have been judged out right by anyone in her family (which is nice) however, I would love to be the one who can look cute while fishing- who doesn't make the boat go crooked because too much weight in on one size-- it is so hard to enjoy a day on the lake when you are thinking of these things--  makes me feel even more determined to be successful and make the changes that I need to make!

Anyway- need to get more chicken noodle soup--  

till next time... 

Tuesday, 14 August 2012

A Month of Last Dinners...and the results....

Well what a month it has been!  (and not in a really great way!)

It seems that after my visit with Dr C. I gave myself permission to jump off the deep end and eat whatever I wanted-- and boy did I!!   I have come back to earth and reality after a camping weekend with friends I haven't seen in over a year- and of course they didn't say anything about my weight- but I just felt like a blob! Not myself at all--and SO out of shape-- we did a hike and I was thanking the rain gods that the rocks were still wet -- I was able to use this as an excuse to move at a snail's pace!! 

Got home Sunday night-- and decided enough is enough!  I wasn't making myself happy by being lazy (hadn't gone for a walk in at leaset a week- not counting the hike) Took all the camping food that I had left over and promptly threw out all the bad stuff-- good by jujubes-- good buy gummy worms! So long chocolate chip cookies!!   and for good measure I put a good dose of dish soap on top of them all-- just in case!!  

Yesterday was a good day-  ate well, took the dog for walk- almost turned around 5minutes in- its amazing what a month of little physical activity can do to your body-- sad really!  But pushed through the first ten minutes of being uncomfortable-- and we had a nice long 45 minute walk- not fast-- but I ended up with a good sweat on by the end!!

I have been talking to my friend K, she and her husband had lap band surgery over a year ago. She has been very supportive- sent me a couple of e-mails of tips for pre-op diet as well as for after the surgery and things that helped her out-- I am so grateful for her!! 

Oh and the big news---->   I weighed myself this morning..... dah-dah-daaahhh!!

I have been avoiding the scale since I went over the deep end-- and I always have an uncanny way of just knowing somehow how much I weigh and if I have gained or lost-- and I just knew that I had gained close to 10lbs-- and guess what--- You have a winner-- I have-- so here is the first time that I am going to state my weight on my blog-- I figure I need to start being accountable for my actions and writing it down is defini8tly a way to do that! so drum roll please........

My Stats---
Age: 28
Heightt: 5'7"
Weight as of August 14, 2012----> 270lbs  

Well-- there it is-- in black and white-- the highest weight I have ever been!   Not quite the milestones that I was hoping to be hitting at my age-- or any age at that matter!

HOWEVER, I am determined to be positive-- I am making changes-- and good choices this moment forward-- and I am bound and determined to get the "All or nothing"  mentality out of my brain-- every little choice I make that is a positive one that moves me closer to being healthy is a mini-victory. If I make one bad choice-- I will regroup and the next decisions I will look at it as another step towards victory!

I have been trying to set some goals and get my reasons for having lap band surgery firmly in my brain (something that the weight loss clinic encourages you to do before surgery-- so that during those moments of self doubt after surgery -- you can look back and remember why you wanted to change!)  I will share those after I have really gotten them straight in my head!

Happy Tuesday to all---

till next time! One small victory at a time!!


Friday, 27 July 2012

Friday "Fun" Day!

Heading up 'north' to visit a friend this weekend! I am really looking forward to getting to 'the city'!    Its nice to get to enjoy all the amenities that the country doesn't offer-- and then know you can leave the chaos whenever you feel like it!! :o)    It will be a bit of a different kind of trip- since I will be on a tighter budget than normal - band induced budgeting (not that I really NEED to buy anything anyway!)

Got up with ambition today to clean up the house-- I have been putting this off all week (lazy lazy!!)  And in the last hour I have pretty much got everything cleaned-- if only I hadn't put it off so long! silly silly me!!

I haven't been out to see the Horse all week- feeling the guilt of being a bad horse Mom---  won't  be out until Tuesday morning -- but I know she really doesn't care- she is just hanging with the herd living the good life-- perhaps missing her fly spray- but even that I am sure she doesn't notice that I am not there!  But still-- I feel a bit guilty!

I am really torn these days about my eating habits-- one side of my brain says-- just eat sensibly --- the other one says-- HEY YOU ONLY HAVE UNTIL SEPTEMBER TO EAT EVERYTHING YOU LOVE! -- this is the voice I am really trying to ignore!!  But it seems to be the louder of the two!!  I will have to see how it goes this weekend-- sushi is on the menu-- haven't had that in ages-- can't wait!! :o)

I am still struggling with keeping my secret (the Band Date)  I am determined not to let the cat out of the bag until after the surgery-- but I am getting so darn excited that it really is hard not to say anything- But I am grateful that my Mom and Dad are on board-- my Mom even is treating me to the hotel stay before and after the surgery (I live about 4 hours away from the clinic- so they suggest staying overnight at least  'just in case')  She chose a nice hotel right by the lake- that has nice walking paths and cute little shops right by-- hopefully I get to enjoy them!     I haven't even mentioned it to my brother or sister-in law- but they are expecting their first baby in just weeks now- so I figure they have enough stuff on their minds!  And I know exactly what my brother would say-- or maybe I  don't! Even my father surprised me with his support!

Anyway-- I still have some cleaning to get done!   On to that.....

Thursday, 26 July 2012

Rainy Thursday

Thank goodness for the rain!!   We have been in a major drought for such a long time now-- my back lawn resembles tooth picks not grass!!  

I think its funny that full rain barrels can make me so happy!! :o)

Man- have I been tired lately-- it seems that I get home and the couch is calling-- and I just have to take a nap--  not like me at all-- of course I have noticed that my body has changed since my accident and I gained even more weight-- it  is just so annoying as I would really like to try and start getting habits started now before my surgery -- so that I don't have to struggle as much after surgery..   mainly I wast to try and get back into walking the dog everyday-- which for my and my dogs sanity should be an automatic thing-- but it has been getting harder- my feet and ankles ache after being on my feet for 8 hours at work-- and that twing of plantars fasciitis is definitely there!  :o/

On to happier things!  On our trip to see the surgeon we had a chance to do a little shopping and I got a--- Yonana! what an amazing thing this little appliance is!  (I had seen it on an infomercial and really really wanted it!) you can basically make "ice cream" out of frozen bananas and you can add any other kind of frozen fruit or other fun things!  It makes more what I would describe as frozen yogurt-- but I am OK with that!! yum!  I just need my darn ol' bananas to get more ripe!!  

I have been approved for my "vacation" starting September 5th-  took a week off--- not sure how much of a vacation it will be -- but I am still really really looking forward to it!!!   :o)  It just seem so far away!  And I have already been asked by a bunch of people what I have planned for my vacay-- the answer, I am going to the City-- not an outright lie!!  

Anyway-- the morning is getting on- and  I had better get my butt out for a walk with the dog-- she is pacing here by my side giving me those-- "is it time of a walky yet???" look!  

Monday, 23 July 2012

Met my Surgeon!

Made the trip to Mississauga today with my Mom to meet my Lap band Surgeon.  It is about a 3 hour drive and I had some concerns and questions that I needed answered to make my final educated decision to get the band.

I met Dr. Cobourn today- what a great experience! Right from the time I opened the door to the clinic I felt at ease!

I ofcourse already had done TONS of research- but it was nice to go through everything with him in person and have my Mom there to formulate an unbiased opinion!  Originally I had planed on bringing my friend K with me (she had her Lap Band put in over a year ago) however, I decided that it would be better to have my Mom along- since she will be a big part of my support team!  

Found out that there is a remote fill clinic at a bariatric clinic just an hour and a half away- that also has support groups available- which was nice to know I was worried about follow up (especially during winter months) if I had to travel 3 hours to see them at the clinic- and of course they have phone and Internet as well as Skye support available as well!

So, I am pretty excited! I just need to make sure that my financing is in order- I had thought that I would get a medical loan- however, I looked into it and the interest rates are pretty high.... so I will be looking into other areas to pay for the surgery- this is the only thing that has made me have second thought about the surgery- however, I discussed it with my Mom and she feels that the time is right for me now- and that we will figure something out-- feels so great to have that support behind me! My Dad is also very supportive, and I am also gratefull for that!

I am still not going to tell anyone, except my friend K (who already know)  I don't want anyones opinions weaving their way into my mind and making me doubt myself on this decision.  I have to call my family doctor and let them know that they will be getting a fax from the clinic- not sure how my Doc is going to react-- not sure how she feels about banding-- but it comes down to it being my life-- But I still hope that she will help support me during my journey!

SO tentatively my surgery date will be Friday October 5th--  Wish my schedule was more open I would love to get this going even sooner!  But with the summer and the schedule being out already-- I will just have to keep going until October--  2 whole months away ---  :o(  Oh well I guess that will give me time to clean out my pantry of all the foods I won't be eating leading up to and after my surgery!

I am already trying to be more conscious of how fast I eat my food and what I am eating-- I am NOT going to let this surgery date become and excuse to go crazy eating everything in sight! Not a good plan in my mind!

Night all-- Work tomorrow!


Wednesday, 18 July 2012


Oh man I need a break--

One more day of work and I get to enjoy a 4 day weekend at the cottage!

I have been really trying to eat properly and stay motivated to get healthy- but it just seems to be hard these days- BUT I did manage to eat fairly well today-- and took the dog for a nice hike this evening even had a chance to watch a momma deer and her twin fawns- pretty neat!!

I find that my undoing happens during the evening after I get home from work- I just seem to be so tired lately- and I end up just falling asleep on the couch-- like this evening- but at least I got out for a walk!!

Tomorrow is a new day- and one more day closer to my nice relaxing weekend! Can't wait!

Monday, 16 July 2012

Next Monday!

Hello everyone...  (she says hopeful that someone is reading!)

I had a wicked weekend- When I work weekends I work one 8hour shift on Saturday and then I am on-call until 730am Monday morning--  and during the summer it is usually pretty busy-- So I spent the weekend at the hospital-- then going home- just getting into something - then getting called back to the hospital--   anyway in short- I survived!

However, I got up this morning made some coffee and as I sit her sipping I realised-- this time next week I could very well be on my way to a whole new life adventure!!   I have an appointment with a Doctor at the Surgical Weight Loss Centre--  I am looking into LapBand!  (SOOOO excited!!)

Now, don't think that this is any kind of rush decision!  If you have read my last posts you know that I have been overweight and struggled with it my whole life.  I also have a friend and her husband who have gotten lapband and it really seems it was just what they needed!  I have been talking to K (my friend with lapband)  for awhile now-- I have been having a harder time putting myself out there (the cruel world haha) since my accident and because of the resulting weight gain-- and this past winter I had a bit of a SAD (seasonal affective disorder)  which K really helped me through.  

I believe in March I first asked K about her experience and her opinion of the matter.  She has stressed it is NOT a magic fix- instead it is a tool that will help support you when you may not think you can do it yourself.   I put this idea on the back burner, made an appointment with my family physician to talk about my SAD.

My appointment with my GP ended up getting pushed around for over 3 months-- don't get me started! And of course by that time I was feeling better (more sun, nice weather and all)  and I never did bring it up during the appointment.. I did tell her my weight was bothering me- my feet ankles and knees are starting to hurt, my back as well.  I don't feel healthy anymore etc etc.  She said that she would weight me and advised me to focus on healthy eating, for six months, to make those habits stick-- not to necessarily loss weight- after six months we will see how I am feeling.... really?   At the time I though it would be a good plan....

Then one day at work (I am X-ray technologist that also does Mammography-breast x-rays)  I had a funny co-incidence where three of my patients had had breast reductions.  In conversation about their breast health, their reductions came up. Each and everyone one of them basically said they had absolutely NO regrets about the reduction except for one (and all had the same regret)  it was I wish I had done it sooner-  there was a sense that they had wasted time dealing with this issue-- and if only they had listened to their family, friends and doctors they would have had those extra years to be 'burden' free. 

SO this is what inspired me to read countless blogs about people on their weight loss journey-- and to book the appointment at the Dr.'s office next Monday..  I have full support from my Mom and surprisingly my Dad is also very supportive of me looking into this option!  

Pretty excited!! YEAH!  I have decided that I am going to tell no one at work (this is hard for me!!) I work in a very small community and people can be very very judgemental about what people spend their money one - even when it is none of their business!!  And I don't want anything silly like that making me have second thoughts!!

Thats enough for me right now-- need to get moving today!
Have a great day Blog world!

Sunday, 15 July 2012

Sunny Sunday....

So I have decided to keep today's post light and happy!  (to try and counteract my current mood!!)

I thought I would introduce myself a little more today!   I believed I mentioned that I am a 28 year old single women- single for the last 2 years- and happy to be, I enjoy my independence and I got out of a bad relationship a couple of years ago that I am happy to be free of!

Last fall I purchased my own little house-- nothing to fancy- but a nice place to call my own--

My house it seems these days is overrun with animals- just the way I like it-- 

This is my Akita Kira and her best bud Kitty Roxy--  Never a dull moment with these two around-- Roxy likes to attack Kira when she is sleeping!

This Picture was just taken last Wednesday- first time I have been on Nichole (my horse I fell off of) since my accident two years ago!  I board her at  Natural Horsemanship Centre that has helped get my confidence back and is turning Nichole into a truly reliable partner!! This picture really does NOT do her justice!!

And just another one of Nichole to show of just how darn pretty she is!!

I also have a little bunny that was dumped in a farmer's field to fend for herself- and my friend brought her back to me to take care of-- but I don't have any pictures of her at the moment!

SO that it for now! 

Saturday, 14 July 2012

Journey to be Average... hmmm...

I am having Blog name regret--

I was so excited to get started on my blog that I was randomly typing in ideas until I finally found one that someone wasn't already using-- hmmm and the winner is....

"My Journey to be Average"..... ummm.....

The idea being this was, to be average in size- weight etc... 

In fact I strive to be more than average in almost every part of my life-- so I guess this is the one part that I would just be tickled pink to be Average at!! 

I have always been "above average" in kindergarden I was the girl who was always back row centre because I towered over all my class mates-  I looked like a 15 year old young women at the tender age of 11-- and my friends always seemed just soo jealous- all I wanted was to be able to fit into "kids clothing" and not have to shop in the women's section of the Sears catalogue!

There was a brief moment heading into high school that I was as close as I have ever been to being "average size" but that was short lived!!  Above average boobs, butt, legs etc.

I once begged my mother to order a tankini from the sears catalogue in grade 9-- a size 14 (I believe) -- I have never fit into it-- even at my lowest adult weights I have been hard pressed to even get it on over my boobs! I in fact still have it tucked in the back of my under ware drawer-- "just in case"! 

I am that person that when my co-workers start talking about how someone is SOooo over weight I just cringe for those magic works-- "Oh yah-- she has to be AT LEAST 250lbs..." with that disgusted OMG tone to their voice.   The few times that I have spoke up and said-- "I'm over 200lbs (over 250lbs really)" They look sheepishly at me and say "Well then you carry it well..."  Ok- sure!   

I work in health care and we have weight limits set for our equipment at 300lbs (this is old equipment- the newer machines now have a capacity of well over 600lbs to accommodate more patients no matter what size) When I ask a patient how much they weigh and they say 200lbs and they are 6ft tall and have a bigger belly than me-- I want to say-- no your not--- but then I realise that they are just saving themselves the embarrassment of having to admit that  they are not average-- that they are above average in one are of their lives that they never wanted to be above average in!!   

I am that girl who has that skinny friend who has never been over 10lbs overweight (if that)  that talks about a friend of a friend that she went to a concert with and she says "OMG she was SO big and her boobs- they where HUGE and hanging out everywhere"  and then I a picture of the person on facebook and realise that I would give my left ear to be their size and have the figure of that "SO big" girl!

I am that person that reads tweets from "skinny" "average" friends and am hurt because they don't realise how harsh their works can be " _ShitNobodySays: That fat chick has really nice boobs"  and I don't laugh....

It amazes me that people who have never lived in a body  that does not fit societies mould can pass judgement on people like me.   "Well just eat less- move more"  -- Yes I know this does actually work- but have you lived in a body that weights 260lbs?  Have you sustained an injury to you back- being told that your body will never be the same?  No didn't think so-- So please give me the courtesy and don't belittle my struggle with the task ahead of me-- I don't judge you because you have a closed mind on the issue.

I realise now that this has turned into a bit of a rant-- but these are things that I think about on a daily basis and it helps to write them down an think that someone may actually read them!

(fingers crossed someone reads this!! :o)