Friday, 27 July 2012

Friday "Fun" Day!

Heading up 'north' to visit a friend this weekend! I am really looking forward to getting to 'the city'!    Its nice to get to enjoy all the amenities that the country doesn't offer-- and then know you can leave the chaos whenever you feel like it!! :o)    It will be a bit of a different kind of trip- since I will be on a tighter budget than normal - band induced budgeting (not that I really NEED to buy anything anyway!)

Got up with ambition today to clean up the house-- I have been putting this off all week (lazy lazy!!)  And in the last hour I have pretty much got everything cleaned-- if only I hadn't put it off so long! silly silly me!!

I haven't been out to see the Horse all week- feeling the guilt of being a bad horse Mom---  won't  be out until Tuesday morning -- but I know she really doesn't care- she is just hanging with the herd living the good life-- perhaps missing her fly spray- but even that I am sure she doesn't notice that I am not there!  But still-- I feel a bit guilty!

I am really torn these days about my eating habits-- one side of my brain says-- just eat sensibly --- the other one says-- HEY YOU ONLY HAVE UNTIL SEPTEMBER TO EAT EVERYTHING YOU LOVE! -- this is the voice I am really trying to ignore!!  But it seems to be the louder of the two!!  I will have to see how it goes this weekend-- sushi is on the menu-- haven't had that in ages-- can't wait!! :o)

I am still struggling with keeping my secret (the Band Date)  I am determined not to let the cat out of the bag until after the surgery-- but I am getting so darn excited that it really is hard not to say anything- But I am grateful that my Mom and Dad are on board-- my Mom even is treating me to the hotel stay before and after the surgery (I live about 4 hours away from the clinic- so they suggest staying overnight at least  'just in case')  She chose a nice hotel right by the lake- that has nice walking paths and cute little shops right by-- hopefully I get to enjoy them!     I haven't even mentioned it to my brother or sister-in law- but they are expecting their first baby in just weeks now- so I figure they have enough stuff on their minds!  And I know exactly what my brother would say-- or maybe I  don't! Even my father surprised me with his support!

Anyway-- I still have some cleaning to get done!   On to that.....

Thursday, 26 July 2012

Rainy Thursday

Thank goodness for the rain!!   We have been in a major drought for such a long time now-- my back lawn resembles tooth picks not grass!!  

I think its funny that full rain barrels can make me so happy!! :o)

Man- have I been tired lately-- it seems that I get home and the couch is calling-- and I just have to take a nap--  not like me at all-- of course I have noticed that my body has changed since my accident and I gained even more weight-- it  is just so annoying as I would really like to try and start getting habits started now before my surgery -- so that I don't have to struggle as much after surgery..   mainly I wast to try and get back into walking the dog everyday-- which for my and my dogs sanity should be an automatic thing-- but it has been getting harder- my feet and ankles ache after being on my feet for 8 hours at work-- and that twing of plantars fasciitis is definitely there!  :o/

On to happier things!  On our trip to see the surgeon we had a chance to do a little shopping and I got a--- Yonana! what an amazing thing this little appliance is!  (I had seen it on an infomercial and really really wanted it!) you can basically make "ice cream" out of frozen bananas and you can add any other kind of frozen fruit or other fun things!  It makes more what I would describe as frozen yogurt-- but I am OK with that!! yum!  I just need my darn ol' bananas to get more ripe!!  

I have been approved for my "vacation" starting September 5th-  took a week off--- not sure how much of a vacation it will be -- but I am still really really looking forward to it!!!   :o)  It just seem so far away!  And I have already been asked by a bunch of people what I have planned for my vacay-- the answer, I am going to the City-- not an outright lie!!  

Anyway-- the morning is getting on- and  I had better get my butt out for a walk with the dog-- she is pacing here by my side giving me those-- "is it time of a walky yet???" look!  

Monday, 23 July 2012

Met my Surgeon!

Made the trip to Mississauga today with my Mom to meet my Lap band Surgeon.  It is about a 3 hour drive and I had some concerns and questions that I needed answered to make my final educated decision to get the band.

I met Dr. Cobourn today- what a great experience! Right from the time I opened the door to the clinic I felt at ease!

I ofcourse already had done TONS of research- but it was nice to go through everything with him in person and have my Mom there to formulate an unbiased opinion!  Originally I had planed on bringing my friend K with me (she had her Lap Band put in over a year ago) however, I decided that it would be better to have my Mom along- since she will be a big part of my support team!  

Found out that there is a remote fill clinic at a bariatric clinic just an hour and a half away- that also has support groups available- which was nice to know I was worried about follow up (especially during winter months) if I had to travel 3 hours to see them at the clinic- and of course they have phone and Internet as well as Skye support available as well!

So, I am pretty excited! I just need to make sure that my financing is in order- I had thought that I would get a medical loan- however, I looked into it and the interest rates are pretty high.... so I will be looking into other areas to pay for the surgery- this is the only thing that has made me have second thought about the surgery- however, I discussed it with my Mom and she feels that the time is right for me now- and that we will figure something out-- feels so great to have that support behind me! My Dad is also very supportive, and I am also gratefull for that!

I am still not going to tell anyone, except my friend K (who already know)  I don't want anyones opinions weaving their way into my mind and making me doubt myself on this decision.  I have to call my family doctor and let them know that they will be getting a fax from the clinic- not sure how my Doc is going to react-- not sure how she feels about banding-- but it comes down to it being my life-- But I still hope that she will help support me during my journey!

SO tentatively my surgery date will be Friday October 5th--  Wish my schedule was more open I would love to get this going even sooner!  But with the summer and the schedule being out already-- I will just have to keep going until October--  2 whole months away ---  :o(  Oh well I guess that will give me time to clean out my pantry of all the foods I won't be eating leading up to and after my surgery!

I am already trying to be more conscious of how fast I eat my food and what I am eating-- I am NOT going to let this surgery date become and excuse to go crazy eating everything in sight! Not a good plan in my mind!

Night all-- Work tomorrow!


Wednesday, 18 July 2012


Oh man I need a break--

One more day of work and I get to enjoy a 4 day weekend at the cottage!

I have been really trying to eat properly and stay motivated to get healthy- but it just seems to be hard these days- BUT I did manage to eat fairly well today-- and took the dog for a nice hike this evening even had a chance to watch a momma deer and her twin fawns- pretty neat!!

I find that my undoing happens during the evening after I get home from work- I just seem to be so tired lately- and I end up just falling asleep on the couch-- like this evening- but at least I got out for a walk!!

Tomorrow is a new day- and one more day closer to my nice relaxing weekend! Can't wait!

Monday, 16 July 2012

Next Monday!

Hello everyone...  (she says hopeful that someone is reading!)

I had a wicked weekend- When I work weekends I work one 8hour shift on Saturday and then I am on-call until 730am Monday morning--  and during the summer it is usually pretty busy-- So I spent the weekend at the hospital-- then going home- just getting into something - then getting called back to the hospital--   anyway in short- I survived!

However, I got up this morning made some coffee and as I sit her sipping I realised-- this time next week I could very well be on my way to a whole new life adventure!!   I have an appointment with a Doctor at the Surgical Weight Loss Centre--  I am looking into LapBand!  (SOOOO excited!!)

Now, don't think that this is any kind of rush decision!  If you have read my last posts you know that I have been overweight and struggled with it my whole life.  I also have a friend and her husband who have gotten lapband and it really seems it was just what they needed!  I have been talking to K (my friend with lapband)  for awhile now-- I have been having a harder time putting myself out there (the cruel world haha) since my accident and because of the resulting weight gain-- and this past winter I had a bit of a SAD (seasonal affective disorder)  which K really helped me through.  

I believe in March I first asked K about her experience and her opinion of the matter.  She has stressed it is NOT a magic fix- instead it is a tool that will help support you when you may not think you can do it yourself.   I put this idea on the back burner, made an appointment with my family physician to talk about my SAD.

My appointment with my GP ended up getting pushed around for over 3 months-- don't get me started! And of course by that time I was feeling better (more sun, nice weather and all)  and I never did bring it up during the appointment.. I did tell her my weight was bothering me- my feet ankles and knees are starting to hurt, my back as well.  I don't feel healthy anymore etc etc.  She said that she would weight me and advised me to focus on healthy eating, for six months, to make those habits stick-- not to necessarily loss weight- after six months we will see how I am feeling.... really?   At the time I though it would be a good plan....

Then one day at work (I am X-ray technologist that also does Mammography-breast x-rays)  I had a funny co-incidence where three of my patients had had breast reductions.  In conversation about their breast health, their reductions came up. Each and everyone one of them basically said they had absolutely NO regrets about the reduction except for one (and all had the same regret)  it was I wish I had done it sooner-  there was a sense that they had wasted time dealing with this issue-- and if only they had listened to their family, friends and doctors they would have had those extra years to be 'burden' free. 

SO this is what inspired me to read countless blogs about people on their weight loss journey-- and to book the appointment at the Dr.'s office next Monday..  I have full support from my Mom and surprisingly my Dad is also very supportive of me looking into this option!  

Pretty excited!! YEAH!  I have decided that I am going to tell no one at work (this is hard for me!!) I work in a very small community and people can be very very judgemental about what people spend their money one - even when it is none of their business!!  And I don't want anything silly like that making me have second thoughts!!

Thats enough for me right now-- need to get moving today!
Have a great day Blog world!

Sunday, 15 July 2012

Sunny Sunday....

So I have decided to keep today's post light and happy!  (to try and counteract my current mood!!)

I thought I would introduce myself a little more today!   I believed I mentioned that I am a 28 year old single women- single for the last 2 years- and happy to be, I enjoy my independence and I got out of a bad relationship a couple of years ago that I am happy to be free of!

Last fall I purchased my own little house-- nothing to fancy- but a nice place to call my own--

My house it seems these days is overrun with animals- just the way I like it-- 

This is my Akita Kira and her best bud Kitty Roxy--  Never a dull moment with these two around-- Roxy likes to attack Kira when she is sleeping!

This Picture was just taken last Wednesday- first time I have been on Nichole (my horse I fell off of) since my accident two years ago!  I board her at  Natural Horsemanship Centre that has helped get my confidence back and is turning Nichole into a truly reliable partner!! This picture really does NOT do her justice!!

And just another one of Nichole to show of just how darn pretty she is!!

I also have a little bunny that was dumped in a farmer's field to fend for herself- and my friend brought her back to me to take care of-- but I don't have any pictures of her at the moment!

SO that it for now! 

Saturday, 14 July 2012

Journey to be Average... hmmm...

I am having Blog name regret--

I was so excited to get started on my blog that I was randomly typing in ideas until I finally found one that someone wasn't already using-- hmmm and the winner is....

"My Journey to be Average"..... ummm.....

The idea being this was, to be average in size- weight etc... 

In fact I strive to be more than average in almost every part of my life-- so I guess this is the one part that I would just be tickled pink to be Average at!! 

I have always been "above average" in kindergarden I was the girl who was always back row centre because I towered over all my class mates-  I looked like a 15 year old young women at the tender age of 11-- and my friends always seemed just soo jealous- all I wanted was to be able to fit into "kids clothing" and not have to shop in the women's section of the Sears catalogue!

There was a brief moment heading into high school that I was as close as I have ever been to being "average size" but that was short lived!!  Above average boobs, butt, legs etc.

I once begged my mother to order a tankini from the sears catalogue in grade 9-- a size 14 (I believe) -- I have never fit into it-- even at my lowest adult weights I have been hard pressed to even get it on over my boobs! I in fact still have it tucked in the back of my under ware drawer-- "just in case"! 

I am that person that when my co-workers start talking about how someone is SOooo over weight I just cringe for those magic works-- "Oh yah-- she has to be AT LEAST 250lbs..." with that disgusted OMG tone to their voice.   The few times that I have spoke up and said-- "I'm over 200lbs (over 250lbs really)" They look sheepishly at me and say "Well then you carry it well..."  Ok- sure!   

I work in health care and we have weight limits set for our equipment at 300lbs (this is old equipment- the newer machines now have a capacity of well over 600lbs to accommodate more patients no matter what size) When I ask a patient how much they weigh and they say 200lbs and they are 6ft tall and have a bigger belly than me-- I want to say-- no your not--- but then I realise that they are just saving themselves the embarrassment of having to admit that  they are not average-- that they are above average in one are of their lives that they never wanted to be above average in!!   

I am that girl who has that skinny friend who has never been over 10lbs overweight (if that)  that talks about a friend of a friend that she went to a concert with and she says "OMG she was SO big and her boobs- they where HUGE and hanging out everywhere"  and then I a picture of the person on facebook and realise that I would give my left ear to be their size and have the figure of that "SO big" girl!

I am that person that reads tweets from "skinny" "average" friends and am hurt because they don't realise how harsh their works can be " _ShitNobodySays: That fat chick has really nice boobs"  and I don't laugh....

It amazes me that people who have never lived in a body  that does not fit societies mould can pass judgement on people like me.   "Well just eat less- move more"  -- Yes I know this does actually work- but have you lived in a body that weights 260lbs?  Have you sustained an injury to you back- being told that your body will never be the same?  No didn't think so-- So please give me the courtesy and don't belittle my struggle with the task ahead of me-- I don't judge you because you have a closed mind on the issue.

I realise now that this has turned into a bit of a rant-- but these are things that I think about on a daily basis and it helps to write them down an think that someone may actually read them!

(fingers crossed someone reads this!! :o)

One giant leap!

Hello Blog word!  

Who would have thought that starting a Blog would be so stressful!   I had started one on my other public account -- and then got cold feet!

Do I really want the whole world including my close friends to know what goes on in my head?
Am I ready for that?

Took a couple of days-- but I decided that-- nope-- not ready! Sooo.. new account ... new anonymous me! For now at least!

Why am I starting this blog?

Many reasons really- but the number one is that I am planning a life change very soon, I hope that I don't loss you now!, this will probably turn into a weight loss blog....

A little history...

 I am a 28 year old women- single- home owner- animal lover- and I have been overweight my whole life-

 2 years ago ( on Father's Day) I had a riding accident that resulted in a fractured back (compression fracture of L1)  Since that day my life has seemed to be slowly spiralling out of control-- actually I think maybe a roller coaster would be a better comparison-- little ups-- lots of downs (and not in the weight department!!)  

I am not going to get too in detail this first entry- I don't want to scare anyone (if anyone is out there!!) away! 

As mentioned above I am an animal lover-- I still own the horse that I fell off of, and just this past week I have gotten back into the saddle- what a great feeling- I hope to share this journey with you as well!

Getting Healthy so that I can do the things I love!

Till Next time...